We slide across the ice in confusion, with a mental blizzard blurring our vision and jarring against our senses. It doesn’t last for long, but it’s long enough to burn. And then the silence. The deafening quiet of settled snow, discordant against the screaming chasm inside.
As the sun rises and begins to thaw the frozen glaze that has settled over the surrounding landscape, I hear your voice and know, what I have always known. I love you.
When I think about you, I can feel my heart rise and my spirit soar at all of our possibilities. You run within me, deep inside. Immersed in my veins, coursing through my body as the vital fluid that keeps me alive. When I close my eyes I can see you, indelibly imprinted in my memories, recreating your sleepy smile as you awake on a morning and say “well hello”. Which even writing this to you makes me grin and want to drive 300 miles just to kiss your mouth and feel your bed warmed face against mine.
I lay upon your naked body, with our glowing skin pressed tightly together. I’m draped like a robe over you, consuming you and protecting you at the same time. You tell me that it’s pre-raphaelite and I draw you in closer and kiss your lips and fall in love with you a little bit more.
In the days when we are apart, I hunger for you. It is a visceral and feral manifestation of my desire for you and the immeasurable loss that I feel. I watch the clock as the hand drags slowly, prolonging my torture and rendering me weary yet simultaneously juiced with energy that can not be earthed.
I have discovered that the longer we have been together the harder the separation, the distance, the longing. Each time I leave you and drive away, a larger part of my heart is snagged on the detestable thistles and barbs that hold us apart. Only upon our reunion is my heart whole again and at peace. It physically aches for you and needs your body to connect and dissipate the pain and heal me. For there is only one way to heal and that is to be with you, reconnected into our shared energy source.
Such love is this that torments and wounds upon our every farewell. Such love is this that makes me drunk with expectation and devotion. Such love is this that upon our connection it flourishes and feeds my body and mind with such succor that all other food and substances remain void. Your absence is felt like seerings pain through my body. My heart actually hurts, it becomes solid and feels like an obstruction in my chest, I can not get passed it.
You are my desire. You are my star which guides and motivates me. You are my fortune and my wealth, that was once lost. You are my here and now and future. I love you, utterly.